What is a 'good' parent?

I know this post is off-concept for my blog, but it's something that's been on my mind so I thought I'd share.

Last week I was fortunate to sit down and spend some time catching up with a friend who has twin girls who are exactly, and I mean born on the same day exactly, as Mason.  While they were playing we noticed a number of similarities in our parenting styles and had a brief discussion of what it means to be a good parent.

Then a couple days later I saw a video of a Dad who was reacting to a disrespectful post his daughter put on her Facebook wall.  At the end he took out a gun and shot her laptop.  I will say that it was the second time his daughter had done something like that, and I agree with consequences, but the way he dealt with it and the whole gun thing really didn't sit well with me.  The video has, of course, generated a ton of attention (feel free to read about it & view the video here)

  

The whole notion of how to be a good parent constantly rattles around my head.  I grew up with divorced parents who remarried and each had children in their second marriages.  I benefitted from this because I was able to experience different family dynamics and parenting styles and from these I've come up with some very specific ideas of what I do and do not want for my children mostly based on how I felt while I was growing up.

Conversations with a 2 Year Old: Love 'n Toots

Our little guy has been climbing into bed with us since I had to convert his crib to a toddler bed last month.  I know that if I want him to stay in bed all night I need to be firm about it... but the idea of getting up to put him back and then having him scream bloody murder just isn't worth it, at least for now.  Plus, if I'm really being honest - I secretly enjoy having him sleep beside me at night.

Yesterday morning gave me perfect examples of why I'm not terribly motivated to put him back in his own bed....

Around 6:30am in a sleepy haze I heard  "Mommy, I toot on you!!!"

I didn't respond.  I was still pretty asleep. 

Then 15 minutes (I think) later he snuggled up to me, rested his forehead on mine and put his little hand on my forearm then I heard him whisper "I love you sooooooo much".

My heart melted.  It was the first time he'd ever said that to me (un-coerced that is!).  I opened my eyes gave him a kiss and told him I loved him too.

Yep, putting him back to bed isn't happening anytime soon.

Conversations with a 2 year old: Grampa

My father passed away unexpectedly last November.  My little guy was only 26 months old when it happened.  Even though they had spent a limited amount of time together, the time they did spend certainly made an impression because he definitely remembers his Grampa.

Tonight we were reading a story before bedtime and there was a Grampa in the book who looked like my dad...

2 year old: Mommy Grampa awake!
Me: Yes, honey that Grampa is awake.
2 year old: My Grampa sleeping forever.
Me: Yes he is baby.  He loved you very much.

... big sigh

Conversations with a 2 year old: Please & Thank you

Setting: in the car on the way to AM daycare.

2 year old: Mommy, turn on my DVD!
Me: Please
2 year old: Turn on my DVD!
Me: Where are my please and thank yous!!!
2 year old: In my mouth
Me: Why aren't you saying them?
2 year old: My mouth is full
Me: Your mouth is full?!  With what?
2 year old turns and looks at me, sticks his tongue out as far as it will go then turns his head away.
Me (in my head): Fantastic...already a little smart @ss!

Conversations with a 2 year old: The Willy

2 year old:  Mommy, you have a willy?
Me: No sweetie, only you and Daddy have willies.
2 year old: Daddy have willy?
Me: Yes, Daddy has a willy.
2 year old: Mommy I get you willy.
Me: Ok
2 year old reaches into his imaginary pocket and holds out his hand: Here Mommy, willy for you.
Me, accepts the imaginary willy: Thank you sweetheart.
2 year old: No Mommy you put the willy on!  You take off your pants.
Me:  Not right now honey.  Let's go downstairs. (I start going down the stairs)
2 year behind me:  You take off your pants... and your socks....

Thump...pitter patter...

Yesterday afternoon during the only time (daylight time, that is) that I have to do grown up things like admin work for DH's business, pay bills, tidy the house or as I was doing yesterday, buying a new washer & dryer over the phone (don't ask!), I heard the most horrible noise.  Thump, pitter patter.  And before I had time to go see if my suspicions were right, I heard the "Mommy, I awake!" as my 2 1/2 year old son rounded the corner into our family room.  Big sigh.....  Crap......  He figured out how to climb out of his crib.  I knew it was going to happen at some point but I guess it's hard to be ready for it when it's not your decision!  Another big sigh.  Ok, time to find the nomadic allen key that I'll need to remove the front of his crib and convert it into a toddler bed. 

There's nothing like trying to get things done with a toddler.  Balancing their desire to 'help' with keeping them safe while actually completing the task and making sure they felt empowered and indepent with the role they played is a multitasking feat!  So anyhow, as we worked together on his bed I started to think about how he's going to fall out while he's sleeping .  How do we learn not to roll off the bed?  I have NO idea. 

So my first attempt at introducing the idea was to put him in his new big boy bed and physically show him how it happens.  I'm not sure if it was my method, he seemed to think I was trying to put him back to bed for his nap which made him a little agitated, or the fact that he's only 2 and it was too difficult a concept, but I think it did more harm than good as I found out later when I tried to put him to sleep for the night.   Hysterical, top of his lungs screaming teamed with repeated escapes from his bed... then Daddy came home and this new audience gave him even more fuel for his fire.  Yikes.  Luckily I'd seen a Super Nanny episode a month or two ago that dealt with a similar situation and thankfully it worked like a charm.  Phew.  I then got a huge duvet out of storage and put that down on the floor.... just in case.  Lucky thing I did because sure enough I found him sleeping awkwardly on top of the duvet a couple hours later.  Then at 3 am he was screaming again.  Clearly this was not working so I brought him to bed with me where he slept soundly until 6am.

Tonight, he's sleeping with one of those safety bedrail net things that stretches the length of his mattress.  We both feel much better.  But I still haven't figured out how he's going to learn not to fall out!  Oh well, we'll tackle that another day.

- Jacs